Archive for the ‘funny’ Category

Things that make me laugh

Posted: May 1, 2012 in funny

My friend Hayley- After an intense debate, Chase Brewer and I have determined that giving a person flowers for an occasion is the exact equivalent to giving someone a dead coyote. Pretty to look at but its dead as a doornail. You can do something with it for a short time, but ultimately you are going to throw both in a ditch somewhere and let it rot…… Happy Early Valentines Heather! You are welcome. Lol

hayley-People prefer boobs over brains…. Luckily, I have both. Lol

Me-to bad neither are very big lol

Hayley-You shouldn’t compare mine to your man boobs you got going tubbo… Food has made you gain in the wrong places.. Its a shame food cant fix your brain

Me-your just mad because i won the wet t-shirt the other night jk lol

Hayley-Good one! I may have just lost at my own game…. dang! Well played son.

Me-victory!!!!!

 

I was informed today that you cannot drink beer in pants

Hayley made me a cheese burger so I said “thank you honey” ….. she flipped me off

If I had a nickel for every second I set on a tractor I would look a lot more attractive to a lot of women.

Knowledge is power, and power corrupts. So study hard and be evil.

If you can’t convince them, confuse them.

What is the difference between erotic and kinky?…………..Erotic is using a feather. Kinky is using the whole chicken.Ok so Heather thinks its funny when I get hit on by a gay guy but I thinks it is hilarious when she gets hit on by not one but two different chicks on the same night

What’s the difference between beer nuts and deer nuts?…………… Beer nuts are $1.50 and deer nuts are under a buck

Here’s to you and here’s to me, and I hope we never disagree. But, if that should ever be, to HELL with you, here’s to ME!

To often, we lose sight of life’s simple pleasures. Remember, when someone annoys you it takes 42 muscles in your face to frown, BUT, it only takes 4 muscles to extend your arm and bitch-slap that mother…. upside the head. Pass it on..

Guys: No Shirt, No Service – Gals: No Shirt, No Charge

the man that has done more drugs than any other human being on the planet was killed today by a pack of rabid dogs he thought he saw

Sometimes the brightest idea comes from the dumbest person in the room.. . And that is why you all need to listen to me

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Oh Hayley

Posted: March 5, 2012 in funny
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This post is about my roommate/ best friend named Hayley.  This is a girl I have known for years.  We first met on the short bus, no joke!!! We both have handicap siblings and we rode on the short bus with them home and that is we first met each other but didn’t really become good friends till my sophomore year and her freshman year of high school.  We both were big in FFA (Future Farmers of America) and that is where we became very good friends through working as officers in are local chapter, traveling to conventions, and compete in contests together and against.

To give you a little information about this lady she is the kind of woman that carries a knife in her boot.  This is also the girl, who once shot her shotgun that we call the mule, so much preparing for a trap shooting contest that she had a bruise on her right shoulder so bad that she had to shoot the whole contest left handed and yet still gave everybody a run for their money and the year before that she caught her thumb in the slide of the shotgun and yet still was one of the top female shooters and beat most of the guys. This is the girl who I had this text conversations;

Hayley:  so.. uh.. I jumped out of the truck and twisted my knee… not rightfully sure if I have broken the dang thing or not .. so my important question is do they cut your boot off? Cause I really like these boots.. lol

Me: What?  Is this a joke?  Uh sometimes they do. What happened?

Hayley:  Dude..  I just sat down on the ground and pushed my knee BACK where it was… it doesn’t hurt… but there’s swelling and bruising going on.. idk maybe I should stop fishing and go to the house… I’m for real chase. Not a joke

This really happened she never went to the doctor and she still has problems with her knee and every time she bends her knee in makes a crunching sound it’s the same sound if you step on a squirrel’s head.

Stay tuned to here more stories about Hayley

House and job hunting

Posted: February 28, 2012 in funny
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Oh the joys of it.  Spend all your time trying to find the perfect one for you.   One that matches your personality and the way you act and live.  It can’t be too far away or too cheap.  You look at one after another spotting flaws right away on some others you don’t figure it out until after closer inspection.

I look all the time!!!  It seems like every time I get a little time to kill, I get on the internet hop on either a job web site or a home site and start flipping through places.  The whole time saying things to myself like not the job for me, cost too much, don’t pay enough, that one is in the ghetto, why is it asking for my banking information, and no the holes in the wall are not considered an abstract style of decorating.

For housing everyone says it is time to buy but I don’t have the money to do that.  Renting it seems like they want to charge way too much just because it is near a school or hospital. Yet those same houses look like they falling apart.

Job wise it seems good if you are willing to move but I want to stay here if I can.  Agriculture is my specialty; I grew up on a farm and went to school to become an Agriculture teacher so for the past for years I have had every form of agriculture driven into my head so I can tell you almost anything you want to know about it. So I am trying to find a job that will use that but pay me better than what a teacher gets paid. Shoot working all the time and making a lot less yet important part of society but oh well that is all for another  time.

Ha Ha made it in time

Posted: February 21, 2012 in funny
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See I learn this time I didn’t wait till last second to blog I did it about a hour before the dead line like a true college student under the wire that is the way it is done, I believe that should be a moto for some collage somewhere.  You know what if I ever start a collage that is what are moto will be. Besides that I guess I should talk about something import like I don’t know……. A job? That is what I need a good one to one that make me the big bucks. The only problem with that is the girlfriend will want a ring if I get a good job lol. But she will give me a hard time about that no matter what so oh well. I have tried to make her a deal if I get her a ring she gets me a new truck lol. But no deal yet but I keep hoping lol. Though if I get if I ever get that good job maybe I can get both of what we want lol………………… after reading this she told me “I am probably going to get the ring before the good job” and yea she is probably right lol

Crap I missed it

Posted: February 15, 2012 in funny, time
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Well I was suppose to post something yesterday and well….. I forgot. My bad oh well I guess this will count right? Or get half create at least. I have been busy with work, school, and Valentines. I know Valentines shouldnt be a reason but the way I see it the teacher gets on to me the few hours in class the girlfriend gets on to me for a few days and makes me sleep on the couch. So girlfriend wins sorry teach.