Things I believe everybody should know

Posted: May 3, 2012 in Uncategorized

Some people have a way with words, others not have way

Red meat is not bad for you. Fuzzy green meat is bad for you

There are two rules for success: 1.) Don’t tell all you know

There are 3 kinds of people: those who can count & those who can’t.

When you feel bad dress nice it won’t make you feel better but at least you will look good while you feel bad

Da na na na nan ananann Batman!

When you wish upon a shooting star, all your dreams will come true. Unless the star is really a meteor about to destroy the earth. Then, you’re pretty much dead no matter what you wish for. Unless it’s death by meteor

The man who said ”the farmer’s life is the simple life” never farmed a day in his life

Never take life seriously. Nobody gets out alive anyway.

Losers always whine about their best. Winners go home and ”beeps” the prom queen.

Chuck Norris eats beef jerky and craps gunpowder. Then, he uses that gunpowder to make a bullet, which he uses to kill a cow and make more beef jerky. Some people refer to this as the “Circle of Life.

If you keep saying it enough. one day it will come true. . .or you will find someone that is stupid enough to believe you so either way you win.

Just because nobody complains doesn’t mean all parachutes are perfect.

Some people are like Slinkies … not really good for anything, but you can’t help smiling when you see one tumble down the stairs

When in doubt, go for the dick joke

It’s always darkest before dawn. So if you’re going to steal the neighbor’s newspaper, that’s the time to do it.

Good night everyone. Good work. Sleep well. I’ll most likely kill you in the morning.

Never hit a man with glasses. Hit him with a baseball bat.

If at first you don’t succeed, skydiving is not for you!

Follow your dreams, except for that one where you’re naked at work


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