Things that make me laugh

Posted: May 1, 2012 in funny

My friend Hayley- After an intense debate, Chase Brewer and I have determined that giving a person flowers for an occasion is the exact equivalent to giving someone a dead coyote. Pretty to look at but its dead as a doornail. You can do something with it for a short time, but ultimately you are going to throw both in a ditch somewhere and let it rot…… Happy Early Valentines Heather! You are welcome. Lol

hayley-People prefer boobs over brains…. Luckily, I have both. Lol

Me-to bad neither are very big lol

Hayley-You shouldn’t compare mine to your man boobs you got going tubbo… Food has made you gain in the wrong places.. Its a shame food cant fix your brain

Me-your just mad because i won the wet t-shirt the other night jk lol

Hayley-Good one! I may have just lost at my own game…. dang! Well played son.



I was informed today that you cannot drink beer in pants

Hayley made me a cheese burger so I said “thank you honey” ….. she flipped me off

If I had a nickel for every second I set on a tractor I would look a lot more attractive to a lot of women.

Knowledge is power, and power corrupts. So study hard and be evil.

If you can’t convince them, confuse them.

What is the difference between erotic and kinky?…………..Erotic is using a feather. Kinky is using the whole chicken.Ok so Heather thinks its funny when I get hit on by a gay guy but I thinks it is hilarious when she gets hit on by not one but two different chicks on the same night

What’s the difference between beer nuts and deer nuts?…………… Beer nuts are $1.50 and deer nuts are under a buck

Here’s to you and here’s to me, and I hope we never disagree. But, if that should ever be, to HELL with you, here’s to ME!

To often, we lose sight of life’s simple pleasures. Remember, when someone annoys you it takes 42 muscles in your face to frown, BUT, it only takes 4 muscles to extend your arm and bitch-slap that mother…. upside the head. Pass it on..

Guys: No Shirt, No Service – Gals: No Shirt, No Charge

the man that has done more drugs than any other human being on the planet was killed today by a pack of rabid dogs he thought he saw

Sometimes the brightest idea comes from the dumbest person in the room.. . And that is why you all need to listen to me


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