Hayley: I hate finals week!
Chase: I do too! I have a 10 page paper that I haven’t even started on!
Hayley: Well I have Doc Walkers test tomorrow!
Chase: Oh my God, I think you just won…..

Why is it that if someone tells you that there are 1 billion stars in the universe you will believe them but if they tell you a wall has wet paint you will have to touch it to be sure?

A bad worker blames the tool a good work blames the boss

Women are like wine when their young they are grape juice, when they are in the middle they are good wine, and when they are old there is all ways lots money involved

I am like chocolate pudding I look like crap but am sweet

Hay no reason to go into any more detail than this but where is a good place to get rid of a body?

Chuck Norris’ testicles do not produce sperm. They produce tiny white ninjas that recognize only one mission: seek and destroy.

Chuck Norris once roundhouse kicked someone so hard that his foot broke the speed of light, went back in time, and killed Amelia Earhart while she was flying over the Pacific Ocean.

In life you will hit brick walls. The trick is not to hit them at full speed like I do because it hurts like hell.

I intend to live forever….so far so good

I am planning to start a up hill bobsled team. So who wants to be on it?

Oh damn! Jeremy is still in the trunk! How long has it been, two weeks? Yeah, he’s dead.

Had to good of a day to let the little things bug me. So I am going to save it for the first person that pisses me off!so beware

”WE ARE NO LONGER THE KNIGHTS WHO SAY NI! WE ARE NOW THE KNIGHTS WHO SAY EKKI-EKKI-EKKI-PATING-ZOOM-BOING!”

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Some people have a way with words, others not have way

Red meat is not bad for you. Fuzzy green meat is bad for you

There are two rules for success: 1.) Don’t tell all you know

There are 3 kinds of people: those who can count & those who can’t.

When you feel bad dress nice it won’t make you feel better but at least you will look good while you feel bad

Da na na na nan ananann Batman!

When you wish upon a shooting star, all your dreams will come true. Unless the star is really a meteor about to destroy the earth. Then, you’re pretty much dead no matter what you wish for. Unless it’s death by meteor

The man who said ”the farmer’s life is the simple life” never farmed a day in his life

Never take life seriously. Nobody gets out alive anyway.

Losers always whine about their best. Winners go home and ”beeps” the prom queen.

Chuck Norris eats beef jerky and craps gunpowder. Then, he uses that gunpowder to make a bullet, which he uses to kill a cow and make more beef jerky. Some people refer to this as the “Circle of Life.

If you keep saying it enough. one day it will come true. . .or you will find someone that is stupid enough to believe you so either way you win.

Just because nobody complains doesn’t mean all parachutes are perfect.

Some people are like Slinkies … not really good for anything, but you can’t help smiling when you see one tumble down the stairs

When in doubt, go for the dick joke

It’s always darkest before dawn. So if you’re going to steal the neighbor’s newspaper, that’s the time to do it.

Good night everyone. Good work. Sleep well. I’ll most likely kill you in the morning.

Never hit a man with glasses. Hit him with a baseball bat.

If at first you don’t succeed, skydiving is not for you!

Follow your dreams, except for that one where you’re naked at work

Things that make me laugh

Posted: May 1, 2012 in funny

My friend Hayley- After an intense debate, Chase Brewer and I have determined that giving a person flowers for an occasion is the exact equivalent to giving someone a dead coyote. Pretty to look at but its dead as a doornail. You can do something with it for a short time, but ultimately you are going to throw both in a ditch somewhere and let it rot…… Happy Early Valentines Heather! You are welcome. Lol

hayley-People prefer boobs over brains…. Luckily, I have both. Lol

Me-to bad neither are very big lol

Hayley-You shouldn’t compare mine to your man boobs you got going tubbo… Food has made you gain in the wrong places.. Its a shame food cant fix your brain

Me-your just mad because i won the wet t-shirt the other night jk lol

Hayley-Good one! I may have just lost at my own game…. dang! Well played son.

Me-victory!!!!!

 

I was informed today that you cannot drink beer in pants

Hayley made me a cheese burger so I said “thank you honey” ….. she flipped me off

If I had a nickel for every second I set on a tractor I would look a lot more attractive to a lot of women.

Knowledge is power, and power corrupts. So study hard and be evil.

If you can’t convince them, confuse them.

What is the difference between erotic and kinky?…………..Erotic is using a feather. Kinky is using the whole chicken.Ok so Heather thinks its funny when I get hit on by a gay guy but I thinks it is hilarious when she gets hit on by not one but two different chicks on the same night

What’s the difference between beer nuts and deer nuts?…………… Beer nuts are $1.50 and deer nuts are under a buck

Here’s to you and here’s to me, and I hope we never disagree. But, if that should ever be, to HELL with you, here’s to ME!

To often, we lose sight of life’s simple pleasures. Remember, when someone annoys you it takes 42 muscles in your face to frown, BUT, it only takes 4 muscles to extend your arm and bitch-slap that mother…. upside the head. Pass it on..

Guys: No Shirt, No Service – Gals: No Shirt, No Charge

the man that has done more drugs than any other human being on the planet was killed today by a pack of rabid dogs he thought he saw

Sometimes the brightest idea comes from the dumbest person in the room.. . And that is why you all need to listen to me

Oh Hayley part 3

Posted: April 24, 2012 in Uncategorized

Here is some more of me and Hayley on facebook

Me – i am so glad i went with Heather and Hayley to run because if it was just me and Hayley she would of ran my but into the ground but she is nice to heather lol

Hayely- You need to run more… A lot more….

Me- or you could just run less that would be a lot easier for the both of us

Next is a thing she left on my door to my room

Me- We should of put it on are front door and wrote welcome we like automatic weapons but hate zombies…… Or does that sound racist?

Are friend Jordan- he turns into a nazi?

Hayley- He gets riddled with holes like the nazi zombies face….

Jordan- aww i seen now

A post from her

Hayley- This is an intervention Chase…. If I walk out of my door again, and the only thing you have covering yourself is your computer in front of you… you know, I am colling the police. hahahahahaahaha I seriously thought you were naked

Me- nope i had shorts on your not getting to be that lucky this Valentines day lol

Hayely- EWWWWWWW! Truthfully my eyeballs hurt just because I saw you without a shirt and thought you were naked…. I would gouge them out with rusty butter knives if I really did see something

Me- well maybe next time you will lol

Jordan-  hey hayley dont be a hater that big guy in the jail the other day said they was nice.

Another post from her about helping my brother

Hayley- chase and I decided that we were going to try and help Garrett get his keys out of his locked truck….. We get outside in the snow, and of course, we became children again. Lifes too short not to have an all out snow war. Sorry Garrett… we gave up after a few minutes.. lol

Oh Hayley part 2

Posted: April 17, 2012 in Uncategorized

These are just a few things me and Hayley have said to each other on facebook.

Chase- I asked Hayley what she is doing while she was poring some brown power in a little bowl she said “i am making a cake” this is at 10 at night but i guess that is what you need after seeing a fat man running in front of you at the stop light covering nothing but his nipples on your way home

Hayley- it was hotttt! i think he crapped himself when he ran in gront of my truck, i shove it in neutral and revved the engine… poor fat guy… his nipples must have been really cold!

Chase- he may want some cake too

Hayley- he would have had to remove his hands from his man boobs to accept the cake. true story

Chase-oh and good luck on your test tomorrow but while you sleep naked fat men will run around in your dreams

Hayley- Only if there’s cake!

Chase- and it better be chocolate!!!!!!

Hayley- but the guy was white. hahahahahhaha

Chase- well no matter his skin color his way proud of what god gave him ha ha ha

Hayley- it really reminded me of a hippo… hahahahahahah!!!

Chase- did you know that they kill more people in Africa than crocodiles

Hayley- What?? Fat people??

Chase- yep they eat every thing

Chase- even babies

Chase- its the other other wight meat

Chase- white

My ant becky- Chase you now have her so distracted the cake is not going to get done!!!

Chase- She already ate it lol

Hayley- I cheat. But I shared it with him. LOL

Chase-  Who me or the naked fat man?

Hayley- With You!

Chase- Lol

I hoped you enjoyed this conversation and pleases stay stunned for more.

Oh TV

Posted: April 10, 2012 in Uncategorized

TV is a great but horrible thing. It is the thing people go to relax and kill time a way to escape but for me it always stops me from getting work done.  I try and try but if there is a TV in the room I can’t ever get work done it really bugs me but for some reason I never want to leave it’s kind of weird at times I wish I didn’t even have one. Then when I have nothing to do I am so glad because I can set back and relax. Actually one of my girlfriends and mine too favorite things to do is set down and watch TV together. We both work a lot and are full time students so whenever we get time to spend together and so TV is an easy and available way to spend time and relax all at the same time.  I know this is a weird subject to talk about but I am typing this in front of the TV and had to type a blog for my class so why no talk about the thing that is distracting me  maybe that will help——- nope doesn’t help one bit I still want to watch instead of type. Then again typing has never been my cup of tea.

Comic books

Posted: April 3, 2012 in Uncategorized

Ok so I am a nerd if you didn’t know and all ready know it’s weird because I am really country and nerdy. I guess you could call me a country nerd. But any way I love comic books and mangas (which are Japanese comic books) they are something I got into my freshmen year of college.  See I am a person who hates reading books but for some reason I can read a comic book or a manga all day.  I think it is because the way I read books see like what a lot of people say when I read it’s like watching a movie in my head but my movie has commercials.

See when I read a line like say;

Jim pulled up in his car.

I start thinking I wonder what kind of car it is, I figure it’s a mustang, then about an hour later but penguins only live in the South Pole. Oh yea I was reading.

Jim pulled up in his car.

Who in the world is Jim? And then the process starts all over again

See that doesn’t happen with comic books and mangas I guess it’s because in them instead of having the image in your head you get to see it right in front of you so the problem of getting lost in your head doesn’t happen.

So if you have this same problem I strongly encourage you try this.  Probably start with comic books not manga.  Though I really prefer manga myself it’s just that they are really different (like for one thing you read those back words) and if you don’t understand Japanese culture you will be pretty lost.  But I love them once you get use to them they are really fun and different so try them after the comic books and enjoy.